I have journaled for many years now. About 22 years to be exact. Sometimes I have really only written a couple of times a year in my journal. I have saved all of my journals though. They are on a shelf in the shop. I am just not sure what to do with them. I always imagined it would have been cool to find journals that my Grandmothers had written. A secret insight into their lives, like in the movies. Anyway so I have been thinking a lot about these journals and who might read or benefit from them. I don't know that they have a lot of benefit but they do show a pattern of spinning my wheels over different guys. I don't know that I ever got the relationship thing. I always (not always but pretty much 99% of the time) fell in love at first sight and was infatuated even though I was definitely not getting anything in return. Not that these men were mean, they were my friends and that is all they wanted. Then I got a bit older and was in relationships and again holding on to something that wasn't going to happen, but I was just sure that it was and I can't get this person out of my head. Whew I hope that if it is my children that read them that it helps them to avoid the same fate. Or maybe I will burn them and they will have to figure it out on their own! I really don't miss that will he or won't he thinking.
My husband was gone for a night to a class in Duluth and I started to get a little panicky without him. We are both very independent people but we really have not been apart hardly in 6 years. You start to depend on having the regular appearance of that person and when it isn't there you start to feel that something isn't right. The nice thing about feeling so connected is that he doesn't have to be gone for 2 weeks for me to learn to appreciate him all over again. By the way he was the 1% that I didn't fall instantly in love with. He grew on me slowly but surely. And he definitely had things that were at the top of my list that I didn't want. The first being someone smaller than me. But here I am with a guy 100 pounds lighter than me but you would never know it with his big personality. Enough about guys. I just was thinking about those journals and what broken records they will be. Yikes. I know I am not reading them again.
